Bill Mann

 There was quite an impressive paean to a PT theatre —  on Page 1 — of The Seattle Times recently.

 Writer-on-multiple-beats Moira Macdonald and sidekick Bethany Clement came here to check out “absurdly scenic” (their words) Port Townsend and, especially, the Starlight Room, which, we know, is a cushy place to watch a film. 

 There were raves aplenty in the piece about the comfortable layout and cozy ambiance of the upstairs Starlight, but one unexpected  drawback: After raving about Seattle ferry popcorn, which is admittedly pretty good, the visiting duo gave only two stars to the “pale quality” of the Rose’s famed popcorn. Such heresy! 

 — Thinking pink: One might expect “Barbie” to be in that smaller upstairs theatre (Barbies rule, Kens drool), and the critically acclaimed “Oppenheimer” to be in the larger main theatre downstairs, but that doesn’t mean the a-bomb film was, well, a bomb. 

 — Syndicated movie critic Michael Snyder, meanwhile, cleverly announced that his review of “Barbie” was NOT about Klaus Barbie, the Nazi known as The Butcher of Lyon. 

 — Meep, meep: We cat owners keep a close watch out out here in our neighborhood, which borders on woods, for wily coyotes.

“Roadrunner” cartoon fans, here’s a funny gift idea: There’s a parody ACME catalogue (from Chronicle Books)  featuring many of Wile E.’s favorites, including iron birdseed, anvils, fake holes, and more. 

 — The blues is good news: Centrum’s Acoustic Blues festival starts this week, which always reminds me  (namedrop alert!) of my good fortune to meet and interview some of the biggest blues legends back when I was music critic for the Montreal morning daily. I got to interview Howlin’ Wolf twice and Lightnin’ Hopkins. But the high point was sitting in a dressing room at Montreal’s Capitol Theatre between B.B. King and John Lee Hooker. I was one happy,  longhaired white boy. 

 — It’s the pits: My fave semi-graffiti here came a while back when clever pranksters removed a couple of letters from the large Victorian Seaport sign as you come into town, changing it to “Po Townsend.” That’s funnier than the current tagging showing up in cities,  spray painting one letter that makes the slogan read “Black OLives Matter.” 

 — The Onion lists these among its “Things To Never Say to Someone Who Loves Pickleball”: 

- “If an older guy wants to tear his ACL, that’s his decision.”

- “Pickleball gives off the wrong idea — that it’s OK to play sports past age 35.”

- “Pickleball is just a fad.” 

“It’s kind of like tennis, right?”

- “You are a slave to cultural trends.” 

- “Isn’t that for old people?” 

- “I’ll check it out when I’m 80.”

 Pickleball, invented in Bainbridge and predictably popular here, is this country’s fastest-growing sport. 

 — Speaking of us seniors, my vote for the best two comic strips about elders: “Pickles,” and “Elderberries.” 

 — I don't care for his anti-Biden rhetoric, but I do enjoy pugnacious former Jersey governor Chris Christie’s ongoing shots at 45. He often — and accurately —  calls the Mango Mussolini a coward. And when the plus-sized former POTUS calls him fat, Christie shoots back,  “Have YOU looked in a mirror lately?”  I’d be upset, too, at a guy who nearly killed Christie, giving him Covid.

  — Big Truckin’: Dr. Dean Edell, who did a first-rate medical call-in radio show in San Francisco for years, had a great sense of humor. And now nearly every time I see a Dodge Ram pickup, I recall Edell’s funny — and accurate — observation that the Ram logo “looks just like that sideways diagram of the female reproductive system that you see in high school textbooks.” He’s right. (Made you look!)

 — Comic Paul Rudnick notes that Melania Trump has made over $1.25 million in speaking engagements since hubby lost. Her topics:

- Why Marrying A Rich Elderly Man Sounds Good In Theory

- Pawning A Bracelet

- Why Ivanka Isn't Really Pretty

- Forging A Will

  Rudnick has equal time for Ivanka, who’s currently learning to fly a helicopter. (It’s, egad, true.). 

 Rudnick: “Ivanka's learning to fly helicopters, in order to:

- Raid Sephora

- Drop Jared off at day camp

- See her kids without touching them

- Escape the Feds and head for Saudi Arabia

- Tell Melania, ‘I can see your roots from space!’” 

(PT humorist Bill Mann has been a  columnist at four major dailies. Reach him at Newsmann9@gmail.com)